that trail run where you lose your balance and fall backwards into a thicket of stinging nettles
If you are unfortunate to be caught by a stinging nettle on your trail run there are some important dos and don’ts.
Do shout.
Do scream.
Do swear.
Don’t rub.
Don’t scratch (never scratch).
Stinging nettles are everywhere in the UK. Let’s be honest, it’s not easy to venture off road without encountering them, usually shin high stands of the venomous bastards. At their worst (on seldom trod routes) they can reach frightening in-your-face heights.
So imagine what it feels like to find yourself 11 miles into a run, a little off the beaten track, a little off balance and in front of a giant patch nettles.
Imagine getting out your phone to check a route on the map.
Imagine suddenly losing your balance.
When falling backwards into a big nettle patch, wearing little more than a defenceless runners vest and skimpy 6 inch running shorts, it’s not just the hammies, glutes and back that get an electrified, white hot, system shock. It’s also going to be the hands and lower arms too, ‘cos you’re not commando rolling out of there are you?
That shock is sharp, intense and painful.
The science of nettle stings
This is because stinging nettles, far from being a tasty leaf-based tea, are nasty and vindictive turds of the urtica family.
They are covered with thousands of tiny, hollow spines called trichomes. So when a bare-legged runners brush against them their fragile tips break off and the needle-like hairs pierce the skin and like a careful assassin release a cocktail of chemicals.
These hairs are delicate, which is why the Ray Mears’s, Bear Grylls’s and other know it all cocky sods show off by firmly crushing them in their hands without even getting getting stung.
The mad thing, for a weed so ubiquitous in the UK, is that scientists aren’t exactly clear on all the toxic chemicals those bastard nettles actually contain.
According to CompoundChem there are six known chemicals in nettles:
- Histamine (a neurotransmitter and inflammatory/itching agent)
- formic acid (aka ant venom)
- acetylcholine (another neurotransmitter)
- serotonin (a key chemical in the human body helping control mood, sleep and sex drive)
- tartaric acid (important for fruity fermentation)
- oxalic acid (an organic acid)
This combination of chems mean that when you scratch a nettle sting, two things happen; you aren’t allowing the chemicals to dry and naturally rub off the skin; and it pushes those itchy chemicals deeper into the skin, making the effects feel much worse and last longer.
The side effect of all this is that boy do you get an adrenaline rush, maybe not of the type you would have chosen, but a kick up the bum nonetheless.
Trust me when I say that you’ll find my quickest mile on Strava is actually the one immediately after I took a nettle bath.
So when going off the beaten path on your next run do be wary of nettles, thistles, brambles, cougars and other slashy things waiting to take a piece out of your ankles.
That | Trail | Run 